How To Kill A Bra

Want to wear out your best bra in 3 months or less? Here’s how:

Wear the same bra day after day:

That’s right, you can kill a bra with kindness.  Show your favorite bra just how much you really love it by making it work hard; all day everyday.  Don’t let that bra get lazy by taking a rest, don’t call in replacements when that bra starts to tire. Toughen up bra!

Wear the same bra for different activities:

Your bra’s the best, a superstar, an ace, jack-of-all-trades. So why bother changing into a carefully-crafted, highly-specialized sports bra for that morning jog around the block or that rousing round of racquetball? You don’t want your bra to feel left out now? So take it with you for every jog, jump, bounce and stretch.

Wear the wrong size bra:

Like 80%-90% of women you’re probably doing this already.  So keep at it!  Squish as much as you can into the last B cup bra you could find and let that band ride all the way up to the back of your neck.  With all the pieces getting pulled and stretched in the all the wrong directions that bra will be a goner in no time!

Wear the cheapest bra you can find:

Finding a bargain feels great so ignore that sharp stabbing pain in your side and that itchy fabric against your skin every time you put on your bargain bra.  So what if it’s starting to fray and the cups have gone all lumpy, you want to get your money’s worth.

When in doubt, Wash it out:

Is that bra still clinging to life?  Well here’s a sure fire way to get it going toward the underwear graveyard; give it the ole wash and dry. A gentle hand wash is always a welcome treat for a weary bra but this time there’s no mercy! Toss it in the washer with your dirtiest jeans, with your muddy sneakers and the roughest toughest detergent you can find.  Let that high-power soap eat away grass stains and your bra’s delicate fabric. Gentle, schmentle- tumble it all around the washing machine. Forget that wash bag, your bra doesn’t need protecting. When the cycle’s done, keep that bra spinning right on into the nearest inferno; your clothes dryer.  High heat, heavy falling objects, metal and fabric contracting, elastic melting, jagged edges of searing hot underwire: sound’s like the perfect place for your bra to live out its final days.

WARNING: These stunts should only be performed by a professional bra destroyer with the intent to harm and maim wayward bras. Some bras may have been harmed during the production of this article (but don’t worry they didn’t fit anyway).